Boreal

When I walked through the beautiful forest with the red leafs, I was really excited. Would it be just impossible? Have I dreamt a little bit too much? I had not much hope, but when I came up something changed. The setting was uninspiring, because of big tickmarks all over the place on the left corner (one of the big classics in this area). Why don't you brush when you finish a problem. There is nothing to say against tickmarks, but everyone should leave like he found it!

Maybe because of this my problem was losing a bit of it's magic. A little bit of it's pureness. Good for me at that time, 'cause I lost also a bit of my reverence to the problem. Really fast I came to the clue that I must try another version, a really long, totally crazy crossover move to a crimp. If I will do this move, the rest will be way easier, 'cause the right hand will be on the crimp and I could skip some of the hard bad moves in the middle. The move felt totally hard, but not impossible.

In maybe half an hour I made big progress and came close to sticking it, but it was getting late and I was knowing I would have just one try to send it, when I'll stick the first move. I made a short rest and started again for some last attempts of the day. The moment, when I finally grabbed the crimp was mind-blowing and frightening at the same time. I don't know what in my movement changed. I just remember a little kick move I made with my foot in the air. Only with the foot, but it seems like it was exactly what made my body move in the right position. The rest was more a mindgame than a real problem. When I did the topoutdyno I felt so totally strong, like there is no possibility to fall.

So that's the story of a big project of mine, which has now come to an end. It's totally crazy, but after sending it, I was not feeling happy or something. I was feeling really sad. It was like I lost something. Something that was so amazing to me, affected with so much magic. And at the moment I sent it, it has lost so much of it. Maybe it was the magic of impossibility, what made it so important to me.

Who knows? For sure I lost something when I sent it- one of my big projects, one of my dreams, which became reality. It's like the way to climb something like this is the main part of the game and the moment you sent it just finishes it. You gave so much of yourself into it, so many mindgames, so much training, so many driven hours, always thinking that this is just for this short moment of sending. But it's not only for this. It's for the process. That's what I really enjoy in climbing. The sending is just the end. Like an orgasm. A beautiful moment, but the end of it. At that moment you lose something, because the problem becomes history. It's 'the bittersweet moment of losing', the moment where your mind gets free again, opens for new things in life, but you know, you lost something which will never comeback in that way. Kind of melancholic, mhh? It's beautiful and sad at the same time.